Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Piercing Gaze

Well here we are. The Black Mesa hype is starting to die down, which is strange because I know for a fact that there's still several people who haven't played it yet. This smacks of bitter irony when I can list a number of self proclaimed Half-Life fans who haven't even bothered to download it yet. Shame on them.

But for the sake of my blood pressure let's try to forget this flagrant injustice. Because now, ladies and gentlemen, we must leave this world of well ordered sanity behind. It's time for us to peer into the dark depths again, into the world of...

...album covers.

Who is Dr. Who

Friends? Hated Enemies? Same thing really.

Tom Tom Club

I guess you can't be a genius of love and album design at the same time. Should have kept Byrne around a little longer, aye Tina? HMM?

Oh you know I'm kidding, this is going on the fridge with the others.

...I Care Because You Do by Aphex Twin

Don't look into his eyes!

Scroll down enough so he can't steal your soul. Ready? Okay, this was Richard D. James's third studio album under the Aphex Twin moniker. James is known for acting extremely annoyed in interviews and telling outrageous lies to confuse his fans. He claims to only sleep two to three hours a day and allegedly owns a windowless, stainless steel building at the Elephant and Castle intersection in London. At eleven years old he tampered with a Sinclair ZX81 computer, causing it to produce sound despite having no sound producing hardware whatsoever.

Many of his song titles are in Cornish. Others are named after computer viruses, still others are anagrams for Aphex Twin and Caustic Window; such as "Wet tip hen ax" and "cow cud is a twin". His most famous music video is probably "Windowlicker" which features dozens of women in bikinis hideously transforming, their faces turning into replicas of James's.

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel

This is one of those love-it-or-hate-it albums. But we're not here to judge the music, just the cover. And in my professional opinion this woman is suffering from a severe case of potato-head.

(I'm pretty sure this isn't what DEVO meant when they were talking about spuds.)

Diamond Dogs by David Bowie

Oh dear god.

Well if you ever need an argument against genetic engineering I suppose...

Presto by Rush

And for my next trick, I'll erase your memory of David Bowie's horrifying dog demons.

I hope.

Oh, no! It's DEVO by DEVO

According to Gerald Casale Oh, no! was made to answer the age old question: "What would an album by fascist clowns sound like?" Why did we need an answer? That's a question that can only be answered by another album.

(I'm pretty sure this isn't what Neutral Milk Hotel meant when they were talking about potato slices.)

Richard D. James Album by Aphex Twin

Not again! Quick, avert your gaze!

Did you escape? Good, then it's time for more Afacts:

Allegedly, he has over a thousand hours of unreleased music and he lives in a bank. He claims to have invented an algorithm that automatically generates music and he has synesthesia. He often hides images in his songs, meaning that if run through spectral analysis one is liable to find his distorted, grinning face leering at you from the resulting waveform.

Oh, and his second most popular music video? "Come to Daddy" which features him turning into a monster and screaming at an elderly woman for about a whole minute.

Aliens Ate My Buick by Thomas Dolby

Before you ask: No, the warranty doesn't cover that.


Heino's finally found himself a lady-friend! Good for him! Just please, don't let the diamond dogs pick up her scent. You remember what happened last time.


mom said...


bunnies and horrible scary eyes! heino!!
my day is complete

Shadgrimgrvy said...

My blog: Your one-stop shop for life fulfillment!

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