Tuesday, February 15, 2011

The Winchester House of Mystery

Ah yes, the familiar musty smell of album covers. We leave such fond memories of the past to once again peer into the dreamscape I am weaving from the threads of feverish night terrors: Insomnia.



First of all, take a gander at that. That's the Winchester Mystery House, it's a well-known California mansion that was under construction continuously for 38 years, and is reported to be haunted. It once was the personal residence of Sarah Winchester, the widow of gun magnate William Wirt Winchester, but is now a tourist attraction. Under Winchester's day-to-day guidance, its "from-the-ground-up" construction proceeded around the clock, without interruption, from 1884 until her death on September 5, 1922, at which time work immediately ceased.

It is well known for it's bizarre architecture, such as staircases that lead to the ceiling, rooms built without doors, doors that lead outside from the second story, twisted hallways that don't go anywhere and secret compartments.



A building constructed to be as bizarre and confusing as possible that features heavily in hallways and secret compartments? That's a ridiculous idea!




The cubes don't care about the three-dimensional tourists that get lost in the house. They'll destroy everything they touch with their superior hyperangles.



A quite evening on the veranda, the typical smells of summertime blow westward from the valley.



Again, twisty hallways. You should have seen this coming.



Another train; derailed and headed for the wild blue yonder of the Paranoia Zone. Where will it go? What will it's passengers find in that starry abyss below?

The pressure's really on to finish this now, especially now that Duke Nukem Forever is actually coming out! But not only that, so is Portal 2. Will Insomnia fall to the wayside when these bigger titles finally ship? I hope not, Insomnia will be free after all, that's got to count for something.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Even More AWFUL Album Covers!

Oh album covers! Where would I be without you? Probably somewhere successful...

Flamenco! By Vicente Escudero


Béla Lugosi tried to reinvent himself to get away from his role as Dracula. After his first Flamenco album he stopped trying.

When God Smiled on Ronald Coyne...


...the damage was irreversible.

Music for the Sensational Sixties


They always told Don that there was no controlling the powers he tampered with, that many before him tried to harness the raw power of Jazz. He didn't listen to them. Now, hurtling through space on his demon-engine of of death and sounding the maddening call of the blasphemous horn to let all men know of their inevitable doom Don Elliot couldn't help but wonder if he made the right choice.

Slide Easy In...Disco


You'd be surprised at all the amazing products that come in a convenient can (then there's those products you wish didn't come in cans). Now the very essence of Disco itself comes in a can! Go ahead! Smash some Disco in your manly fist. Spread some on cake, I don't care! Bust open a can of boogie, because Disco never dies!

Jacques Dutronc


ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

The Barry Lee Trio Being Creepy


Honestly you guys, you're not fooling anyone. I don't know what's sadder: the fact that they spend their weekends creeping around Mrs. Cunningham's backyard or that they try and cover it up by saying they're on "safari".

Space Escapade By Les Baxter


Les was a real go-getter. He applied for a job at NASA, the Soviet Space Program and even Star Fleet but was rejected every time. Not letting these early failures get to him, Spaceman Baxter built his own rocket ship. After inventing an ingenious new spacesuit from his mother's exercise suit and fish bowl he was ready to fulfill his destiny and be the first man ever on the planet Femiplex 6.

Beat that Captain Kirk.

Jennie


"Gentlemen, please...my neck...is...shrinking...can we please do the photo-shoot some other time..."

"No no, this is going to be great! You're money Jennie, you're so money!"

"But...can't...breath...head...shrinking..."

Halli, Hallo, Wir Fahren By Heino


Heino strikes again! With his 3-D glasses nothing can escape his gaze.

Joyce


When talking about the worst album covers ever the question is not "Will Joyce show up?" but "When and how often will Joyce show up?".

Just look at her. Look at the way she commands that clown frock, the way she presents the rose so seductively, the subtly of her expression. And that 'FRO!

Joyce is too much woman for me, maybe for any man.

Don & Seymour


Anyone in the business will tell you that Seymour was the real creative genius behind the duo. Sure, Don was the only one with hands and therefore the only one who could play the guitar at shows. But Seymour wrote all the lyrics, he was in the recording studio at the crack of dawn, ready to work. Yet, Don got all the credit and Seymour drifted into obscurity.

Such is show buisness.

Stuffparty 1 By Larz Kristerz


Oh my god.

Forget everything you just read...THIS IS NOW THE LIST OF THE BEST ALBUM COVERS OF ALL TIME!!!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Tales from Steam Chat Volume Five

Geranium: YOUR BLIGGITY HASN'T BEEN UPDATED TO THE RECENT STATUS OF 2011 NEW YEARS.
Geranium: I WISH TO BE IN THE FIRST POST OF THE NEW YEAR.
Shadgrimgrvy: UGH!
Geranium: I WISH TO BE IN THE FIRS POST OF THE NEW YEAR.
Geranium: I WISH TO BE IN THE FIRST POST OF THE NEW YEAR.
Geranium: jk I hate everything you do, slut.

...

That's my sister and I think it's been made abundantly clear that she's a terrible person.

SO! New year! A fresh start! Insomnia still isn't done!

The good news is that I have been diligently working on it and I'm seriously intimidated by it's beauty. Also, I've started drawing COMIXS again so if I'm convinced that they're not the WORST ever I might put them here!

What will this new year hold in store for us? Hopefully not Tarkus!


That would be terrible!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy Paranoia Day!

Paranoia was finished one year ago today! Bats for everyone! I could sit here and tell you what a great achievement its been...so I will!

On PlanetPhilip it's been downloaded 11 times.

On FBSBanana it's been downloaded 150 times.

On garrysmod.org it has been downloaded 13122 times...

And from the in-game Toybox on Garry's Mod it has been downloaded on 56,296 separate occasions.

So I feel totally justified in turning December 30th into yet another surreal holiday. But of course you're not here to hear about that old map. No, you wonder where Insomnia is. I assure you that despite the lack of videos or any evidence of it's continued existence I am working diligently to make it the single greatest map ever released on the Source engine.

And I do have pictures!



Here we see the Lens, if OSHA ever saw this thing they would have a conniption. Thankfully they don't exist in the same calabi-yau manifold as the Paranoia Universe.



Fabulous energy generators! This particular model harnesses zero-point energy from a vacuum chamber inside it. Because of this, entropy in the Paranoia Zone is slowly decreasing.



One of many deluxe prism-based transporters that are used to move through sentient non-euclidean space.



Fun fact: Real Estate is the single most dangerous and important job in the Paranoia Dimension.



Trains are another popular, if very dangerous, mode of transportation.



While mansions and white rooms with black curtains are abundant in Paranoia-Land many citizens prefer humble apartments as they're easier to flee from in case Tarkus attacks.



The Combine have a significant presence in both Paranoia and Insomnia. But not even they truly understand their purpose for being there.



Parking garages are strange, nigh-mystical places in Real Space; they're are even more so in Insomnia.



Finally, a visit to a familiar place.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

D.O.E.

I really need to work on updating this faster, two weeks without any god-awful sci-fi. Oh well, they're not as great as I remember anyway (not that that will stop me from uploading it later).

Insomnia is starting to look good, better than Paranoia I would dare say. I'm working on the first really big fight scene today, as we speak. Alas, there's no video for it yet but oh-ho! there will be.

But that's not all, there's been something I've been meaning to mention here for a very long time but has been pushed aside in favor of maps, aliens and even polish movie posters. What I speak of, of course it the Dalek Objectivist Empire.

You see, a couple months ago I was the administrator of a steam group called the Happy Chair Clan, but it was owned by Ou812, someone who as I pointed out earlier is a terrible terrible person. As I am myself an Objectivist, I couldn't just sit there and not be the owner and total authority of the group, especially not after I put so much effort in keeping it alive. I posted what I estimate to be 99.8% of all announcements and group events, as well as invited most of it's members while Ou812 sat on his hands and didn't do a single iota of work to ensure it's survival.

Then, in a fit of what some would call "faggotry", he demoted me from being administrator to a lowly member. This would not do. Me and the other admins as well as the majority of the members formed our own group, one that has prospered; in the short time that it has existed this group has gained more members then the Happy Chair Clan ever did.

So head on over to the Dalek Objectivist Empire, where the scientist is not bound by petty morality where the Dalek does not fear the Doctor, where the great are not constrained by the small. I built it from the ground up, and with the sweat of your brow, D.O.E. can become your group too.

(It helps if you watch Doctor Who.)